There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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