he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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