He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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