He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize