I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
