God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
