How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
