I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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