Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
