my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
