I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
