ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
