I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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