just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
