It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
