I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
