My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
