i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
