i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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