she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
