I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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