Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
