I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
