I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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