Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
