She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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