Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
