I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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