I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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