my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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