somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
