You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
