So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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