Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
