White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize