that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
