Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
