I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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