Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
