Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize