the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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