also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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