Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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