you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
