She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
