Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
