Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
