I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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