____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
