so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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