dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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