Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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