New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
