mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
