Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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