Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
