if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
