It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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