so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
