What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
