the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Houston, we have a blender
As shirtless as possible
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
