My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
