I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
