I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
