some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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