Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Let's paint friendship bongs
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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