Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
