Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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