I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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