Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize